


Peas Are Beans

by Hadzy



Series: PH Peas Are Beans Wars [1]
Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack, Gen, don't treat seriously, first ph fic i wrote, idk what else to tag, pea wars, squad's arguments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26292787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadzy/pseuds/Hadzy
Summary: The title totally says it all.Peas are Beans war; the first battle.Based on a conversation on the PH discord.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell
Series: PH Peas Are Beans Wars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910404
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Peas Are Beans

“A pea is a bean.”

It had all started at that one simple claim Kym had blurted out.  
It was lunchtime in the patrol unit, and Kym was snacking on her watermelon, crunching the black tiny seeds, pushing away the paperwork that Lila had placed on her desk. The abrupt claim was soon countered by Will, who was sipping coffee, scribbling away at the pile of his own paperwork. 

“No. It’s not.”

“Uh yes, it is. A pea is a bean.”

Lauren looked up from her files. A small smile was on her face, clearly being amused by what was about to happen. 

“I think it’s not a bean Kym.”

“Huh- Lauren you too!? Why are you siding up on me!?”

Kym craned her neck toward Lauren, an unhappy expression depicted on her face. 

“What are you guys talking about? A pea is a bean!”

A new voice chimed into the quarrel. All three turned their heads to find Kieran with more files. Kym’s face brightened. Sitting up, she walked toward Kieran and put her hand on his shoulder. 

“Alas, the archivist Kieran agrees with me! You’re my new favorite person!” 

Kieran looked taken by the sudden contact but then started to talk to Lauren. 

“Peas are beans because they are both legumes. A bean is an edible seed, that is kidney-shaped that grows in a long pod.”

Lauren glared. Will chimes in. 

“But a pea is round, plus, can you grow it from just one pea?” 

Kieran immediately replies and takes out a leather-bound notebook and shows it to everyone. 

“ Yes, you can grow it from one pea, here’s a picture of my peas.” 

Lauren peered into the notebook. In the notebook was a brown picture of a pea plant, more accurately, a pea diary. There was a charcoal sketch of peas dipped in water that was labeled “DAY 1.” Kieran flipped the next page, and the trio was faced with a large pea plant dominating the kitchen table. 

“See! A pea is a bean! If Kieran was able to grow it from a pea, then it’s a bean!” 

Kym exclaimed in triumph, grabbing her watermelon once more. Lauren and Will were sinking into thought, desperately trying to counter the attack. 

I will not loose to Kieran. 

Lauren thought, replaying the last few minutes of the conversation. Then, she came up with an idea. 

“Kieran, a bean is kidney-shaped right?”

Kieran nodded, perplexed why Lauren even asked the question. Will also seemed to be taken in surprise but then, his strained expression turned into a smug smile. 

“I got it. Ladell, I win.” 

Lauren jabbed Will. 

“I mean, we win.”

Kym’s delightful expression faded. Kieran frowned. What possibly went wrong?

“What?”

Lauren and Will smiled, sunlight bouncing off their silhouettes. They looked angelic, taking the breath away from the nearest passer-by. 

“A bean is kidney-shaped yes? A pea is round, therefore, it is not a bean.”

Kym pulled out her gun. It was the final last resort. Kieran sighed and grabbed a chair. 

“You found out. Now we must kill you both.”

Lauren and Will also respectively pulled out their pistols, aiming it at their targets, ready to pull the trigger. 

“Not a chance.”

It was never a normal day in the 11th precinct.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it?
> 
> Not exactly confident but lol... this was fun writing. 
> 
> Had


End file.
